


The Jealous Idiot

by kitkatkaylie



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Jon Snow Knows Something, Kissing, M/M, No Incest, Oblivious Robb Stark, The OTV in the North, Theon has two hands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24151864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkatkaylie/pseuds/kitkatkaylie
Summary: Robb did not understand why he was feeling jealous of the relationship between his little sister and best friend. It was ridiculous, and Jon was no help at all when he was trying to understand his feelings.
Relationships: Robb Stark/Theon Greyjoy/Sansa Stark, Theon Greyjoy/Robb Stark, Theon Greyjoy/Sansa Stark
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	The Jealous Idiot

**Author's Note:**

  * For [procellous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/procellous/gifts).



> This is based off a text post on tumblr by @robbeonsa, hope you enjoy!

A strange feeling filled Robb’s chest when he saw HIS best friend holding hands with HIS little sister. It could almost have been jealousy, but that did not make sense.

Why, after all, would he be jealous of someone dating Sansa? He had no desire to date his little sister, he was not a Lannister or Targaryen after all. 

And yet, why else could he be feeling jealousy? It wasn’t jealousy of Sansa, no that was absurd. Theon was his bro and nothing more.

He spilled all of this to Jon over a beer, and his traitor of a brother just laughed at him and patted him on the shoulder heavily.

“Explain to me again, why you think you are not jealous of Sansa?” Jon smirked knowingly.

Robb took a deep drink of his beer and tried to think of how best to answer that question.

“It’s just, Theon is my bro? I can’t be jealous of Sansa being with Theon, I don’t even like guys.” 

Beer sprayed over the table as Jon spluttered at his words and looked at him in shock, “Don’t like guys? Robb that’s such bullshit. That’s like me saying the same thing, and Satin can assure you that is not true.”

His brother’s words did not make sense, Robb was straight, wasn’t he?

Jon took pity on him, “Robb, the two women you’ve ever liked were completely unattainable. There was no hope of you and Jeyne lasting, not with the problems between our families. And Roslin had eyes for your uncle from the beginning, there was no way she was ever going to date you.”

Well that was... true. He had never been lucky with the people he had laid his affections on.

“What about Talisa?” Surely Jon couldn’t say anything about his only long term girlfriend?

“You liked Talisa because she would tell you no and wasn’t taken in by your pretty face.” Jon retorted, “And you broke up because you were spending more time with Theon than you were with her.”

Again that was not untrue. He and Talisa had broken up because of irreconcilable differences, which admittedly did include that she thought he spent far too much time with Theon.

But that was just because Theon had needed him there, and as a friend it had been his job to offer his aid while Theon was going through one of his many breakups.

His thoughts must have shown on his face because Jon sighed and got up to order them both another drink.

When he returned he downed his pint and looked Robb straight in the eye.

“I’m going to say a few statements and I want you to tell me whether they sound platonic or romantic.” He said, “First: dropping everything, including prior plans, to have a movie night because one person needs attention.”

That was an easy one, “Romantic.”

Jon poorly hid a smile, “Going out to dinner twice a month and taking it in turns to pay.”

“Romantic.” Really, what point was Jon trying to make?

“Ok, last one, pet names for each other.”

Robb levelled a deadpan stare at his brother, “Romantic. What are you trying to say?”

Jon sighed again, “Robb, those are all things you and Theon do and have done in the past. All things that are normal for your, quite frankly, codependent relationship.”

“Ok so maybe Theon and I are a little codependent, but that still doesn’t explain why I’m jealous of he and Sansa!”

Jon’s head hit the table with a loud thud.

* * *

Sansa did so enjoy the fortnightly bitchfests over coffee that she and Jon had. It was a great way to decompress and deal with the idiocy of their family.

It was not so enjoyable when she was the one being judged. 

“Wait, you knew Robb had a thing for Theon and you’re still dating him? Isn’t that against all the rules of siblinghood Sansa?”

Sansa rolled her eyes, “Of course I knew. Neither of them are particularly subtle. Theon and I discussed it, and we determined that if this didn’t make Robb take notice then nothing would. Besides,” Her voice took on a sly tint, “I’m open to sharing Theon with Robb. He has two hands after all.”

“Does Theon know about this?” Jon had a hint of disapproval in his voice, as though he truly believed she would try and set up her boyfriend with her brother without discussing it with him first.

“Of course Theon knows. He’s the one who came up with half this plan. Do you really think so poorly of me Jon?” 

Jon shook his head rapidly and leaned back, aware he had insulted her. “Of course not, it just seems a little... sophisticated for Theon.”

Sansa took a sip of her coffee and raised a single eyebrow at him elegantly. Her brother squirmed in his seat and looked down at the table guiltily, as though he was a child caught with his hand in the biscuit tin.

“Ok, that was a little unfair.” Jon admitted, “But you have to agree it isn’t really his style, it’s far too subtle.” 

That was a fair point, Theon had never really been known for his subtlety. 

“As true as that might or might not be, it is just as much his plan as it is mine. And it’s much more workable than the original one, that one just had him snogging Robb and me in turn at Sunday lunch.”

Jon spat out the sip he had just taken of his tea and started to laugh.

“I’m just picturing the look on Aunt Cat’s face it he did that. It would be a glorious sight to behold.”

Sansa grinned as the image filled her own mind, “The question is whether or not it would be better than the time Ygritte called mum’s apple crumble ‘fucking dry’.”

That day was one which would go down in the memory of all the Starks forever. It had been one which had rolled the death bell for that particular relationship of Jon’s, but he had not seemed to broken up by it afterwards, stating that it had only been a matter of time at that point, that they were too different.

“Definitely better. Less horrified insult and more horrified in general.” 

“You’re probably right.” Sansa agreed, “Back on topic though, if what you said about Robb trying to understand his feelings is true then Phase 1 of our plan is already working.”

Jon paused with his tea in midair and looked at her in slight horror, “How many phases does this plan of yours have exactly.”

Sansa smiled a smile she knew would not reassure him at all. “How many numbers are there?”

* * *

It was weird hanging out with Theon now Robb had this strange feeling in his chest. It coloured every action, this total awareness of where Theon was at every moment. He didn’t think Theon noticed anything different, he certainly did not act like anything had changed. 

And yet for Robb it felt like everything had changed.

“Oi, Stark, it’s your choice of game.”

Robb pushed the feeling down and grinned at his best friend, “Mario Kart of course. I’m going to beat your arse again.”

“You wish you could beat my beautiful arse Stark.” 

Robb instantly regretted bringing up Theon’s arse because suddenly he could not look away from it. He blamed Jon. It was Jon who had filled his head with thoughts that he was possibly not straight, he definitely would not be staring at Theon’s arse if Jon hadn’t mentioned it.

He ignored the small voice in his head thatreminded him that he had often looked at Theon’s arse before that conversation.

“You staring at my arse Stark?” Theon’s voice cut through Robb’s contemplation and filled him with horror.

“No?” He winced at how high pitched his voice was, and Theon turned to him incredulously.

“You were!” Theon crowed, “The great Robb Stark was staring at my glorious arse!” 

Robb could feel the blood rush into his face and a burning start in his cheeks.

“Shut up.” 

Theon slung an arm over his shoulder and pressed his face right up against Robb’s.

“Oh no, I’m going to milk this for ages.” 

Robb turned his face to retaliate, to push Theon’s face away, but he miscalculated just how close his best friend was. Theon had placed his lips so they were just above Robb’s cheek, and when Robb turned his face he brushed his lips against Theon’s.

Time seemed to freeze, and Robb stopped breathing, all he could focus on was the feel of Theon’s lips beneath his own. As soon as it registered, as soon as time started moving again, he pulled away as if burned.

“I- I-“ Robb found he could do little more than stammer.

An unusually soft expression overtook Theon’s face, he reached out and cradled Robb’s cheek in his hand.

“Don’t think about it, just answer. Do you want to kiss me?”

“Yes!” Robb blurted, and then paled as he realised what he said. “I- I mean, what about Sansa?”

Theon laughed lightly, “Do you really think Sansa didn’t know? She wouldn’t agree to dating me without first clarifying the nature of our relationship, and what was acceptable should my feelings for you be reciprocated.” 

Robb felt as though a blue error screen filled his brain. Theon, having feelings for him? Feelings that were stronger than friendship? It did not compute.

And yet it made a strange sort of sense. He was starting to understand the point Jon was trying to make, starting to understand his own feelings as well.

“That sounds like Sansa.” He kicked himself for that, it was such a stupid this to say, and from the upquirked corner of Theon’s mouth he agreed.

“Stop overthinking everything Stark, your sister knows and gives her blessing, you aren’t as straight as you thought, and now come here and snog me.”

That was the sort of instruction that Robb could quite happily follow. He leaned in again and pressed his mouth against Theon’s.

It was a soft kiss, a tentative one, gentle like they were unsure. It was nice though, felt like it filled a hole that Robb had not even realised was there.

“You know, Sansa’s going to be really annoyed we didn’t get to use the other stages of her plan.” Theon grinned once they separated, his forehead pressed against Robb’s own.

“Oh?” Robb spoke with deliberate lightness, “How much of her plan did you not get to use?” 

“That’s for me to know and you to find out. But I will tell you this: she had an eighty slide PowerPoint all ready that she hasn’t used yet.” 

If Theon was telling the truth then Robb was absolutely fucked. He just  knew that Sansa would make him sit through it anyway, and he would listen to it because he was a good big brother. 

“That’s going to be fun.” And he supposed it would be, in its own way, it was nice to know she cared enough to put that amount of effort in anyway.

“You’re such an idiot Stark. But I guess you’re my idiot.” 

Theon tugged him into another kiss, and Robb couldn’t even bring himself to feel insulted. 

Now he just had to tell everyone else. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> If you want to chat about this fic or in general then find me on tumblr @istaricelebelasse


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